Today morning I got a message from an unknown number, "Hey, I m sry fr whatever I hv dn....." It didn't take me a second to guess who this person was. But I re-checked and yes it was from one of my closest friends with whom I hadn't spoken for over two years!
'How', 'Why' we didn't speak for so long doesn't really matter. But the question which I am putting out here, and have to answer for myself is - Why do we let relationships that matter to us, slip away like sand? Why can't we set aside our egos and talk straight, face to face? We could save each other from all the pain, bitterness, doubt's, grudges... Sigh!
I'll be truthful... that (fated) night I did call him to understand the 'Why' and his reasons. I called him the next day too but he perhaps chose to ignore me, as if our falling out had no effect on him(I believed in this reason then) or perhaps he realized I was angry and somewhere he was wrong and didn't want to deal with me at that moment. Fine! I was pissed. But more than that I was hurt. I cried. A couple of days later I cried again. It was then that my husband said "The key to Happiness is Forgiveness" (Ah! Preachy Mr. Hubby! Well, he was right. All myths shattered. Who said the wife is always right? Right?)
Did I forgive him then? Ummm..not entirely. But I chose to let go (for my sake), to ignore, to not care. One of my biggest character flaws is that - If I feel a person (however close) doesn't care about me the way I do or our perspectives and priorities in life are poles apart, I let go. I simply stop or let any communications between us fade out. This has made me fall out of many friendships - some for the better (Amen!) and few fall outs unfortunately I regret, that were created due to 'misunderstandings'. Like this one!
It takes a lot of effort to apologize. I am so grateful that he messaged me today. Even if it was after so long. And as I typed back " N I am sorry too", I realized "Time doesn't heal, forgiveness does!!"
'How', 'Why' we didn't speak for so long doesn't really matter. But the question which I am putting out here, and have to answer for myself is - Why do we let relationships that matter to us, slip away like sand? Why can't we set aside our egos and talk straight, face to face? We could save each other from all the pain, bitterness, doubt's, grudges... Sigh!
I'll be truthful... that (fated) night I did call him to understand the 'Why' and his reasons. I called him the next day too but he perhaps chose to ignore me, as if our falling out had no effect on him(I believed in this reason then) or perhaps he realized I was angry and somewhere he was wrong and didn't want to deal with me at that moment. Fine! I was pissed. But more than that I was hurt. I cried. A couple of days later I cried again. It was then that my husband said "The key to Happiness is Forgiveness" (Ah! Preachy Mr. Hubby! Well, he was right. All myths shattered. Who said the wife is always right? Right?)
Did I forgive him then? Ummm..not entirely. But I chose to let go (for my sake), to ignore, to not care. One of my biggest character flaws is that - If I feel a person (however close) doesn't care about me the way I do or our perspectives and priorities in life are poles apart, I let go. I simply stop or let any communications between us fade out. This has made me fall out of many friendships - some for the better (Amen!) and few fall outs unfortunately I regret, that were created due to 'misunderstandings'. Like this one!
It takes a lot of effort to apologize. I am so grateful that he messaged me today. Even if it was after so long. And as I typed back " N I am sorry too", I realized "Time doesn't heal, forgiveness does!!"
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| Photo credits Morguefile |
Linking this to Write Tribe's Wednesday prompt.
Glad you revived a friendship because it really takes a lot to forgive and forget. Stay happy!
ReplyDeleteIt does Kajal. It takes a lot to own up and say sorry!
DeleteA feel good post, this is. Very happy for the revived frienship, because forgiving isn't necessarily an easy task and you've done it beautifully. Congrats on that, Aditi ! And thanks for sharing this with us :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Sreeja :) Well he took the first step and I am so grateful to him! Happier and peaceful!
DeleteAditi, it does take a lot of courage to apologize and it takes a bigger person to forgive. Happy for both of you, your hubby sounds like a wise man, hang on to him tight :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Sulekha :) Yes hubby sometimes startles me ;) n reminds me why I'm in love with him!
Deletei have a hard time forgiving and forgetting. and it only hurts myself.
ReplyDeleteI know Theresa... Try and let go...by keeping grudges we only hurt ourselves...
DeleteNice one! but hard to be true, you are lucky.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sumeet!
Deletevery true!! and I do share that flaw!! :(
ReplyDeleteIndeed forgiveness frees the soul!
True Nibhz...it frees our souls and makes us more peaceful...
DeleteYes, it takes courage to say sorry. Forgiving and letting go can be the biggest favour we do for ourselves, but many people find it quite difficult.
ReplyDeleteI agree it is very difficult... You consciously need to make an effort...but in the end it's for your good!
DeleteWell said and well done, Aditi! Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Glad you took step! Cheers :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Shilpa :)
DeleteForgiving is something we need to do more for ourselves than for the other person. Of course it's hard..it's just easier to hold onto the hurt and the anger but it makes for a sad, dissatisfied person. Of course it's far easier said than done.
ReplyDeleteFor our sake indeed! Let go, be happy, forgive and forget!
Deletei dont know about forgiveness... I've seen and gone through some stuff that does not make forgiveness easy. But the other part I do agree entirely - let go. Until you let go, you are a prisoner of that pain and inner turmoil and anger. It took a long time but letting go of the hurt and looking forward to happier days changed my life around .. that much I can vouch for personally.
ReplyDeleteTrue Roshan....letting go is the best gift we can give ourselves!
DeleteGod I'm so bad at forgiving!! Thanks for sharing..it's a thoughtful post..
ReplyDeleteThanks Nabs :)
DeleteAditi, this a very thought provoking post. Saying sorry is as difficult as forgiveness. It is a two way traffic!!
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely is Ma'am :) Thanks for your insight!
DeleteYes, the key to happiness is indeed forgiveness. Well said indeed!
ReplyDeleteThanks Michelle :)
DeleteWith time, our bruises and hurt heals and it's nice on hi part to call him to express forgiveness. Lovely post and your husband is, indeed, a wise man.
ReplyDeleteCheerz
Another sensitive take on the prompt and the key can open the way to memories and happiness. Well done, Ananya:)
http://vishalbheeroo.wordpress.com/2014/02/27/wednesday-prompt-the-key-to-heaven
Yes Vishal...I am so grateful he called...we mended things before it got quite late!
DeleteIt is so hard to forgive and let go. I have a really hard time trying to re establish the relationship afterwards. It is usually over for me. It never is as it once was. Fool me once or they say.
ReplyDeleteI am also somewhat like that Kathy...many relationships lost due ti this. Some for the better though! We should choose people in our lives wisely...ones that compliment our growth n make us happy n vice versa.
DeleteLovely said! Life is a mirror, and relationships are reflections…and if they fail to reflect then what’s there’s facing a mirror? Forgiveness should be on time, before their life or relationship goes out of reach.
ReplyDeleteSo well said Jeevan! :) Wise words!
Deletei fell happy when I write for my blog http://guruofmovie.blogspot.in
ReplyDelete