What is done is done. Here I lie, part of me, just my lower lip, and I look at my husband carrying my charred remains, tears rolling down his eyes, moaning in pain. Here I will remain, and devotees will build temples around this site and call me Fullara Devi, but no one will understand the meaning of it all.
What is desire? What is the meaning of vengeance? What is our purpose in life? I find myself pondering over these questions as I look at my ascetic husband. Smeared in ashes, drunk on bhaang, covered with snakes and accompanied by ghosts, he is so ignorant of the world. He is unaware that his sorrow threatens the well-being of the world. Oh my Bholenath - the ignorant one, how did I let this happen.
I married Shiva against my father, Daksha's wishes. To irk me he organized a yagna (fire-sacrifice) and invited everyone except us. Despite Shiva's warning I went there to confront my father but instead of realizing his mistake and seeking our forgiveness, he mocked my husband's recluse ways in front of all the guests. Unable to face this public humiliation, I jumped into the sacrificial fire causing my husband deep rage and sorrow. He turned into Virabhadra, a fierce warrior, and beheaded Daksha seeking vengeance.
But did that take away his pain?
No. Instead now, he has completely shunned away desire. He thinks that had he not desired me so much, he wouldn't have felt this helpless.
He prefers the stillness, the silence, the bliss, the cold ragged mountains now. He has withdrawn and given up all things worldly.
And that is why he needs me, now more than ever. I need to teach him the importance of balance, that desire can bring love, affection, contentment and compassion but if we let it out of control it can lead to anger, dissatisfaction and sorrow.
And that is why I will be reborn as Parvati. the feminine counterpart of Shiva. I will be all that he is not. He may open his third eye, and set Kama, the God of desire, aflame. He may reject me but I will not give up and continue to pray till Shiva submits to my desire.
Because it is desire that makes the world go round. Without it, there will be no rebirth, no regeneration, no reproduction.
The world will come to a standstill.
What is our purpose in life, if we, like Shiva, give up everything and transform into hermits. Not everyone can achieve his transcendent state.
And that is why Shiva and Shakti must unite, only then the balance will be restored.
If you want to read more of my short stories, click on the below image.
These short stories were developed during the A-Z challenge in 2014. Each story is based on 26 colours which commence with every letter of the alphabet from A to Z. The themes developed in these stories range from marital despair to urban city-life blues, from love to loss, from child abuse to infidelity, divorce, and much more.
Do read and share!