Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Through the Peephole (Part 2)

Continued from Part 1

She unknowingly wiped a tear off her cheek, as she  fondly remembered Ramu Chacha. The only one who had ever cared for her, understood her heart and helped her when the time came...

"Tenho saudades tuas", she whispered, surprising even herself that she remembered the little Portugese that Martha had taught her. Her palms lifted to touch Ramu Chacha's bearded cheeks as if he was right in fromt of her...but only the memories remained now...memories of his toothless smile, his kind eyes, his bald head smelling of coconut oil and his last embrace...his cold bony hand tightly gripping hers, in that bitter winter night, when he had helped her run away with Amir.

She was just seventeen then, but more mature than her years. She had understood long ago that this aristrocatic life wasn't for her, that she would not succumb to her father's pressures of marrying some Man, just because he was more powerful than her father (and older too!). She had to escape! It was actually in her first attempt to run away from home that she had crossed paths with Amir.

"A Muslim!! A mere merchant!!" Ramu Chacha had shrieked, horrified at her confession. And then he had slumped in his charpoy sighing, "Baby ji, what have you gotten yourself into?". And a year later, in that bitter winter night, tightly clutching her hand, he had led her to Amir, to that train compartment. "I wish you all the love and happiness in the world Baby ji...May God be with you", he had said touching her forehead. His last words, to which she could not respond...the loud horn of the train had filled the space between them. Chug-chug-chug slowly they had started moving to a new life but she had kept on gazing, gazing till her neck strained, till he was nothing but a tiny dot...

Chug-chug-chug, the melancholy noise enveloped her....Chug-chug-chug, she suddenly began to shake violently, splashes of red smeared in front of her eyes and then a crash! She woke up with a jolt, the big black rotary dial telephone on the floor, her face burning and her eyes moist. She must have dozed off thinking about Ramu Chacha and had had a terrible nightmare! 

She shrugged off the shivers and picked up the telephone. "It's so dusty", she winced, vigorously cleaning the speaker with her pallu. "Hadn't I just mopped and dusted the entire house yesterday", she thought but gasped when she looked above to find cobwebs everywhere. She cursed her fading memory and went to get the broom. Lately she was having more and more episodes of such forgetfulness. The unpaid bills piled up on the dining table, a proof of this. She was busy brushing off the spider webs when she heard the jingling of the keys. "Back already", she grunted and her ears perked up instantly, trying to catch the neighbours' conversation.

"Okay-okay, I'm scared of dogs", she heard Rhea admit to her husband while he was laughing abashedly. "Now that you've had a good laugh, can we get back to the topic?? And don't make this into another of your you-don't-understand crap. Make me understand", she said, her tone a little irritated yet curious. "Honey, for the last time...I'm saying this for the last time...We are not buying this house." He cleared his throat as if to speak out aloud, but instead he mumbled something under his breath, "She died seven years ago and there have been stories...call me faint-hearted but at times I do feel her presence". Now it was Rhea's turn to laugh but looking at her husband's face she resisted the urge and elbowed him to go on. "Well, this old couple were going back to their village when their train met a terrible accident. The husband died on the spot. After recovering for a few days in the hospital, when she came back, she refused to acknowledge that her husband was dead. She met no one, there were no relatives who came to look them up, I'm not even sure if the poor husband's body was ever claimed or not. It was clear that she was nearing insanity. And one day, it all ended. She must have died of loneliness or her instability..." 

Dumbfounded, Rhea slowly moved her gaze to the house....

At the other side of the door something cracked....She turned her neck a full 180 degrees to look at Rhea through the peephole, just as she had in the morning...






A special mention to Preetilata who is the author at the blog My White Window. I'm so glad to connect with her through this Write Tribe festival. She puts her soul into her writings and reading her posts leave you with a song in your heart...at times happy, at times nostalgic and at times overflowing with emotions! She has a superb theme going on for this 'Seven' challenge. In fact, if not for her Day 2 post, I wouldn't have been able to figure out the start of my part 2 story!! 

54 comments:

  1. Wow. It is amazing! I'm dumbstruck! :0

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    1. Thanks Aps :) do critically analyze this and let me know how I can improve...love*

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  2. what a sad, poignant story! Glad you're taking part in the challenge!

    Roshni
    http://www.indianamericanmom.com

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    1. Thanks a lot Roshini :) glad you liked it...welcome to my space!

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  3. The narration was quite riveting and made a wonderful read. The peephole offers a cross-section of the world and I love that image.

    Joy always,
    Susan

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    1. Thanks Susan!! Very apt observation of the peephole :)

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  4. Aditi dear thank you so much. I am happy to be able to inspire through my posts. And awwwwwwwww you are too sweet and kind.

    i will be back to read your post. right now i am too caught up with work. Sorry for that.

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    1. You do inspire Preeti!

      I know how work can be...but I will be waiting for your views! :)

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  5. I read both the parts together and the it was so nicely narrated by you..I am just loving this piece

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    1. Thanks Harsha :)

      And you back from your trip? I'm waiting for your travelougue...

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    2. Yup I am Back..and soon I will write about it.. :-)

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  6. A very sad and poignant story.I feel a lump in my throat.

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  7. Loved it...well written dear! :)

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  8. that was some story!! u write so well! loved it through...

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  9. That was wonderfully narrated.

    And, so, that is where the saudade came from :)

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  10. Awesome narration, am hoping there is more to the story, as I have made my own theories about the story as of now...

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    1. Would love to hear your theories :) But this story ends here...

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  11. A wonderfully narrated story... waiting for more!

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    1. Hi Shilpa...thanks! But there isn't any more! That's the end...your interpretations are welcome :)

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  13. A wonderful read. Poignant! I loved the part 2 of this story. Thanks Aditi

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  14. Wonderful narration...Have you ever thought of writing a book? You have a uncanny knack of weaving stories.

    http://sailorswiferamblings.blogspot.com/2013/09/seven-smells-to-smile.html

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    1. Thanks Anu for such a lovely compliment!!

      I shyly stepped into this blogging world about 6 months back...and this space has helped me explore myself!! Still am discovering. These writings are as new to me as they are to you...so no until your comment never thought of writing a book!

      Thanks a lot for the encouragement!

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  15. I am dumb-founded and read in silence for a while. It strike a chord with my aesthetic senses. well done:)

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  16. Beautifully narrated. Looking forwards to more. :)

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    1. Thanks dear :)

      Well tomorrow will be a new post...unrelated but! This story ends here!! I would love your minds to spur their own stories! :)

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  17. I am hooked onto it. What is important is that I want to know more, I am waiting. The style of writing is very unassuming, simple and yet striking. A great attempt. Now will see the next part :)

    Richa

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    1. Ohh Richa sorry to disappoint, but this is it! No next part...but I would to hear what's going on in your mind...
      Do share...

      Thanks!!

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  18. narration was awesome and had me glued to your screen.

    Good to swing by :)

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    1. Thanks Ruchira :) glad to connect!

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  19. I liked it very much...especially the end.....though there are goose bumps still...
    very well written

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    1. Really appreciate your comment!! Thank you :)

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  20. Superb, Aditi! You are an amazing storyteller!! Such a beautiful tale... You must write a book!

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    1. That's so sweet of you Sangeeta....but I've yet to learn so much...just started on this journey!

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  21. Such a beautiful story u weaved n u left it at the point where its priqued the sense... now for next part...

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    1. Thanks Mina...yes I've left it at a point where your imagination can take you this ahead as you please ;)

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  22. the story is now on d move...i hope the couple plays a integral part in the climax...loved the image

    you can check out my post here-
    Karan -
    Brother

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    1. Thanks Karan! There isn't a next part to this!

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  23. Loved reading it. Read the first part too. Your simple way of expressing your thoughts and emotions makes it all the more appealing. :) one would want read it again.

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    1. Thank you Preeti for such a lovely comment! Good day!

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  24. Gripping story and smart narration!Well done Aditi!

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  25. Dearest Aditi, just now i read the story and i must say you have really done a great job. It has all the elements to make to story beautiful and gripping. What is best is the fact that you did not let the predictability seep in. May you pen more and more. Out of all your posts during this challenge i liked this the most. And this post of yours will always remain very close to me heart.... and the i bet you know the reason for it. It really meant a lot to me. Thank You Aditi.

    P.S: Thank you so much for your every visit to my blog even when i could not return the favor.My new job keeps me tied up. I joined it just very recently. My sincere apologies to you. I cherished your each and every comment on my posts. Thank you. Thank you for highlighting one of my posts on your esteemed blog Aditi...And i can't express my gratitude in words.... see lethologica it is. :) <3

    Hugs.

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    1. Thank you so much Preeti for such a lovely comment! You made this post what it is...seriously!! And I had an absolutely fabulous week visiting your blog and leaving your space becoming more richer!

      And all the best for your new job! Can totally understand how hectic it can get...buy hope to see you write soon...till then keep dreaming, hope your all your swevens come true!

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